1994
Character List:
Aida - age 10
Foz - age 10
Setting: Inside a living room with a bay window, situated within a semi-detached house. A framed photograph of five children is prominently displayed.
Opening Scene: The iconic Bollywood song "Tu Cheez Badi Hain Mast Mast" sets the mood. AIDA, a 10-year-old girl, is adorned in all black attire, wearing a headscarf with a flowing tail at the back. Her dance style mirrors the energetic moves of Akshay Kumar.
FOZ, also 10 years old initially appears within the gap between the sofa and the bay window, she intermittently appears and disappears throughout the ten-minute play.
FOZ: (Whispering) Poor little orphan.
AIDA is startled.
AIDA: (Confused) Orphan?
FOZ stands up – the sofa remains in between them.
FOZ: (Playfully) She ought to have somebody to play with.
AIDA (Defensive) Play with? I'm not a baby.
FOZ Is that not what you're doing?
AIDA No, I'm not. I'm practising my dance for later. I'm going to be good, I'm going to be the best.
FOZ holds out her hand and AIDA hesitates.
FOZ: (Mocking) It's babies that want their hands held.
AIDA (Moves aside and speaks with an assertive tone) I'm not a baby?
FOZ (Mysterious) Why I'm here?
AIDA: (Curious) Why are you here?
FOZ: (Cryptic) I heard your cry.
AIDA: (Confused) Which cry?
FOZ: All the cries.
AIDA: I'm not a baby.
FOZ (Taunting) Look at your tiny arms.
AIDA: My arms are not tiny.
FOZ: No?
AIDA: (Confused) They’re not baby arms. They’re not. I am ten years old. These are ten-year-old arms.
FOZ: (Pointing at her waistcoat) How old is that?
AIDA: (Startled) I, I don’t know.
FOZ: (A taunting silence).
AIDA (Angry and defensive) What?
FOZ (Calm) Nowt…
AIDA (Vulnerable) But?
FOZ …
AIDA (Sad) Do you not like it?
FOZ Erm.
AIDA (Assertive) It’s mine. It’s mine now.
FOZ (Pitying) It is yours now. No one else left.
AIDA turns away from FOZ and positions herself to dance again. She dances and FOZ sniggers.
AIDA (Threatened) Stop it.
FOZ (Mimics) Stop it.
AIDA You're doin’ my head in.
FOZ Sorry.
AIDA: (Purses her lips).
FOZ: Aida.
AIDA: What?
FOZ: Aida. Ya like your name?
AIDA: Dunno.
FOZ: It doesn’t rhyme.
AIDA: No.
FOZ: Their names rhyme.
AIDA: …
FOZ: Three owners of one waistcoat and three rhyming names. Fourth owner, one little girl, nothing but lame.
AIDA Leave us alone.
FOZ Come on, I’m only kidding.
AIDA I wish you’d go away.
FOZ That’s not a nice wish.
AIDA Well, it’s true.
FOZ Better be careful with wishes. Some say they come true.
AIDA Well duh, they’re wishes.
FOZ Don’t you forget it.
AIDA You used to be fun.
FOZ I am fun.
AIDA (Urgency) Daft cow.
FOZ (Surprised and hurt) Daft cow? That’s not nice, is it?
AIDA I said it and it’s true.
FOZ disappears. Silence for a least a minute.
You coming out or what?
FOZ voice is heard but she is not seen.
FOZ Moo.
AIDA: Moo?
FOZ: Moo.
AIDA: You’re not really a cow.
FOZ: Moo is no in cow language.
AIDA Alright.
FOZ Alright.
Silence for another 30 seconds.
AIDA: Come out will ya?
FOZ reappears in front of AIDA – AIDA is startled again.
FOZ appears to be fixated on the door.
AIDA (Prolongs her name) Foz?
FOZ Hmm.
AIDA Are you okay?
FOZ …
AIDA Sorry for calling you a daft cow.
FOZ You didn’t mean it.
AIDA No, I didn’t… Are you okay Foz?
FOZ Yeah.
AIDA Where are you going?
FOZ Nowhere.
AIDA Stop lying.
FOZ How do you know I’m lying?
AIDA You’re lying.
FOZ If I tell you, if I tell you, what if summit bad happens?
AIDA Like what.
FOZ If I tell you, what if your whole world crashes, crashes right here, in front of you?
AIDA In slow motion.
FOZ Yeah. In slow motion.
FOZ (Nods).
AIDA: Is it a secret like?
FOZ: A secret worthy of the world crashing.
AIDA (Excited) Go on?
FOZ You’ll blab your mouth.
AIDA No I won’t.
FOZ You will.
AIDA I won’t.
FOZ Yes you will.
AIDA I might but I’ll try to keep it a secret. Promise.
FOZ No.
AIDA Go on tell me.
FOZ No.
AIDA Please.
FOZ (Hurried) I’m running away.
AIDA (Eyes widen with surprise and excitement) Really? … You can’t, you can’t do that.
FOZ I can.
AIDA What you gonna do that for?
FOZ Why stay here?
AIDA There’s nowhere else to go.
FOZ I’m gonna get a job.
AIDA (Laughs) You’re ten.
FOZ I’ll get a job.
AIDA Alright then.
FOZ I’m gonna be…
AIDA (Taps her foot).
FOZ A perfume seller.
AIDA You what?
FOZ Down the perfume shop, they’re looking for someone to work there, a worker. They love young girls, they’ll love me.
AIDA No way, they won’t let you work there.
FOZ Everyone in Middlesbrough’s gonna smell nice. Gonna make ‘em all smell nice. I’m going to be the best perfume seller Middlesbrough has ever seen. You watch, the best. Every single person will smell nice. When the other’s ask how do you smell nice, they’re gonna say, it’s Foz. Foz made us smell nice. Foz made everyone in Middlesbrough smell nice.
AIDA (Stunned)
FOZ Are you coming?
AIDA (Ridiculing) To sell perfumes?
FOZ (Defensive) What do you say it like that for?
AIDA I’m not selling perfumes.
FOZ Get your own job, does it look like I care?
AIDA I will, I can get me own job.
FOZ What are you going to do?
AIDA I’m ten.
FOZ So what?
AIDA I’m ten. And I don’t really need to knoa that right now, do I?
FOZ Has that (tugging at her waistcoast) not taught you nowt?
AIDA What’s this got to do with it?
FOZ Look at their lives.
AIDA What about their lives?
FOZ Do you wanna be like them?
AIDA They’re all that I have.
FOZ Do you wanna be like them?
AIDA (Unsure) Yeahh.
FOZ Yeah?
AIDA Yes.
FOZ Fine, I’ll go by myself.
AIDA Go on then.
FOZ I’m going.
AIDA Go on.
FOZ Anything’s possible.
AIDA No one's stopping you.
FOZ goes to the door, her hand is on the door handle. She stops there.
FOZ Come with?
AIDA To sell a perfume?
FOZ Cheeky mare.
AIDA What ya’ saying that for?
FOZ I can’t go without you.
AIDA Don’t go.
FOZ turns around to face AIDA – they look identical as if it were a mirage.
FOZ If I go will you miss me?
AIDA Well, yeah, duh.
FOZ If you come with me… If you come with me will they/
AIDA Stop.
FOZ Will they?
AIDA You can go now.
FOZ Will they miss you.
AIDA picks up the photograph. She looks sad.
Will they?
AIDA They’ll miss me.
FOZ So you’re not coming?
AIDA It’s his birthday though… There’s gonna be party. Everyone’s coming, a big party at the mosque, the biggest.
FOZ A party for your big brother.
AIDA Yeah.
FOZ Always a party of your big brother.
AIDA Well yeah.
FOZ Final time, are you coming?
AIDA If I run away today, don’t you think, don’t you think he’ll be sad? It’s his birthday.
FOZ Every day’s his birthday.
AIDA How about you stay, you stay and we get this dance right?
FOZ …
AIDA removes the scarf from her head and wraps it around FOZ’s.
Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast begins and the girls practice the dance together.
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